JOKE THREADDDD!!!

A man walked into a bar...OUCH!

(donated by a friend)

oooooo jokes

How come smokey the bear doesn't have kids?

because everytime his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel

I got a good one.






















Boner.

That's old. But good. I gots one!

How do you confuse a moron?








32.


Get it?

http://www.pagetutor.com/idiot/idiot.html =D

http://funny-funny-pictures.com/insanity/

There was a guy who owned a sex shop that had good buys usually on their sex toys...he was hungry and went on lunch break leaving his co-worker to cover his shift for him while he was gone...so he left and his co-worker took control of the store...*ding* the bell went off, someone had entered the store...it was a brunette...he asked her "Can I help you?" she replied "Oh, I'm just browsing." 10 minutes go by and she asks for the price of a slick light-blue dildo on the shelf behind the register...he replied "97 dollars" and she paid the man. 5 minutes go by after the brunette had previously left the store, and a red-head came in...*ding*..."How may I help you?" the man asked...she quickly caught her eye on a hot pink sex toy up on the shelf behind the register where the brunette's light blue dildo came from. she asked hurriedly "how much?" as she pointed to the object...he reaffirmed her choice and she nodded her head..."120 dollars"...*ching* then she rushed out the door...12 minutes go by and a blonde comes into the store...again he asks "How may I help you?" and she: "I'm just going to look around if that's okay with you"...he told her to take as long as she wanted...eventually she made her way to the register to look at the dildo shelf...she asked "How much for the silver one at the top?"...he pointed at the object and asked "That one?"...and she "yeah"...he said "Uhh...89 dollars"...she purchased it and took off...for 9 minutes the store was dead, then the owner showed up. "So how was our business today?" the owner asked. "Pretty good." he replied. "What'd you sell?"....the co-worker answered: "Well...I sold the nice slick light blue dildo to a pretty brunette for 97 dollars, the hot pink sex toy to a red-head for 120 dollars..." the owner cut him off "yeah...well thats..."
"...and I sold your thermos to a blonde for 89 bucks"

That made my day.

Ok . . .this is kind of gross, but I feel like telling it anyway. So this guy walks into a bar (yes its one of those) and he sees $500 dollars sitting on the bar. He asks the bartender what the money is for, and he says, whoever can make that horse standing in the corner over there laugh will get the $500. So the guy goes over to the horse and whispers into his ear, the horse busts out laughing. The guy goes over to the bartender and takes the $500, and leaves. The same guy comes back the next day and there is another $500 at the bar. He asked the bartender what it was there for this time. The bartender tells him that whoever can make that same horse standing in the corner cry will get the $500. So, the guy takes the horse outside, and the guy comes back in with the horse crying. The guy goes back to the bartender and takes the $500. The bartender asks him how he got the horse to laugh and then cry. The guy says last night I told him my dick was bigger than his, and tonight I prooved it.

*smiles*...Thanks...that has been one of the biggest compliments that I have had in a while.

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?




















A: He knows how they feel.

HAHAHAHAHAH That was good!

A human married couple decided they want to swing for one night with an alien couple. So they get together and the human woman is in the room with the alien male. So he takes off his pants and she's dissapointed to see he has the tiniest dick! He sees her look and says, don't worry. I'll show you how it works. If you pull my ears it gets wider and if you slap my forhead it gets longer." The woman blinks and pulls his ears a little and slaps his forehead some and they get down to business. So when it's over the human woman is with her husband and she asks "So how did it go for you?"
The man replies "I don't know, she kept on slapping my forehead and pulling my ears..."

So this couple is having trouble paying the bills, so they both decided that the wife is going to go out and work for an escort service for a night. So she comes home much later with $100.25. Her husband says
"Its great you made that much. But who gave you the 25 cents?" The wife replies
"Everybody."

*explodes in a fit of laughter*

hello my name is shadow i come from the demon world. my evil minions will rape you up the ass and after that they will rip your brains out through your asshole and impale their hands into your stomachs and pull out intestines and eat your intestines while blood gushes out there mouths. Bow down to me diluted fools

*bow* spank you very much

An old man is sitting on a bench in the park and this boy sits down by him. The boy has green and pink spiky hair. The man glances several times at the boy, staring at his hair. Finally the boy gets irritated and says "Jeez old man haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?!"
"Well... yeah, once I had sex with a parrot and I was wondering if you were my son."

Rofle Mayo Double-U Time!

http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~alexann/

That made my day ^^

LMAO! That was hilarious lol