1: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
2: The badness of a movie is directly related to the amount of helicopters in it.
3: You will never find someone who can give you a clear and compelling reason for why we observe daylight savings time.
4: A penny saved is worthless.
5: The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
6: People who feel the need to tell you they have an excellent sense of humor have no sense of humor.
7: There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Mental Illness".
8: The one thing that unites all humans, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, religion, and ecoomic status, is that deep down inside us, we all believe we are above-average drivers.
9: Apparently, somewhere in Los Angeles, exists a computer that generates ideas for sitcoms. When TV Execs need an idea, they turn the computer on, and it searches through millions of concepts before spitting out "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the execs turn the idea into a show. The next time they need an idea, it spits out "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and that too is turned in to a show. The next time it spits out " FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and so on. We need to find this computer, and destroy it.
10: The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
11: Never, ever , say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can se the actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
12: When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always that one individual who perceives a solution and is ready to take command. Odds are, that individual is crazy.
13: The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
14: 1981- Prince Charles gets married, Liverpool wins the UEFA championship league, the Pope dies. 2005- Prince Charles remarries, Liverpool wins the UEFA Championship League, the Pope dies. If Prince Charles remarries again, and Liverpool wins again, someone should notify the Pope.
An Eye For An Eye Makes The Whole World Go Blind- Jesus