If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Now For more Chuck Norris Quotes;
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! (from the saying "What you talking 'bout Wilis")
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris flosses with barbed wire.
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
((Note to you all. Not all of these are mine. About 30% are mine.))