This may sound harsh, but your life is as miserable as you make it. You're going to have to work hard if you want a better life, instead of doing drugs to pretend it away. :/
Don't hate me for saying that.
Well, to start off, the drugs aren't helping as they are creating a false image of life making you unable to make the proper judgments.
Also, think more positively, I know that's prolly a far stretch for me to just say, but it is something to work towards. Whatever allows you to be depressed, the weakness, don't forget about it, build upon it make it a strength, whatever it may be.